The Wacky World of Belief
from the 1999 Nihilism Expo
If you don't do everything I tell you in the bible, you will suffer unspeakable pain for ever. I'm only doing this because I love you.
Thank you, Maria Sanchez, for not having an abortion. God's plan for you involves your having more children than you can feed.
Buford Furrow, I want to thank you for shooting those Jewish kids. They had it coming.
Osama Bin Laden, I want to thank you for shooting those infidel kids. Allah told me they had it coming.
Mr. Hitler, thanks for killing 6 million of God's chosen people. That made them so sympathetic that no one criticizes them for what they do to the Palestinians.
We're your friends, and we're here to help you.
I am the Lord, thy God. Thou shall have no Gods before me.