Fifty percent of all appointments made by the Nihilist
administration will be made on the basis of a random national
lottery. Of those not selected by lottery, the Nihilist Party
makes the following planned appointments public in a challenge
of openness to others seeking the highest office in the land.
Ambassador to the USSR
Head of Joint Chiefs
Ambassador to South Africa
Chief Economic Advisor
Secretary of State
Secretary of Agriculture
THE GOVERNMENT EXCHANGE PROGRAM
For one month every year, our government and the
government of another country will change places. For example,
the first year, for one month, our government will run the USSR,
and the Soviet Government will run the US. This is a way to better
understand the problems of peoples from other lands.
THE PENTAGON CHANGEOVER
No one can get Congress to cut the Defense Department
budget. The Pentagon employs too many people in too many states.
But that doesn't mean we can't change what people in the Pentagon
do. In the PENTAGON CHANGEOVER we don't fire anyone, we just
give them useful jobs like making VCRs, telephone answering machines
and personal computers. This will earn money for our government
and reduce the deficit.
The nuclear arms stalemate will be resolved on NUCLEAR
ISLAND. It will be an isolated island between the US and the
USSR. The first American Nihilist Administration will disarm
ten war heads and put them on the island. Then the bet will be
to the Soviets. They can call or raise. The assumption is that
their concern for public opinion won't let them fold. That's
all there is to it. We bet, they raise, we raise and so on.
They can keep making them and so can we--but they'll all end up
on NUCLEAR ISLAND.
The American policy of supporting any regime or party
which claims to be anti-Communist has landed our country in trouble
many times since World War II. The Nihilist administration would
radically change this approach to East/West competition and regional
conflicts. Any country or party to which the Soviets give money
would receive exactly the same amount of money from us. If the
Soviets give the Nicaragua $100 million in an attempt to gain
more influence than the US in that region, this bid would be quickly
answered by a $100 million grant from the US. If the Soviets
cynically switch sides and give $200 million to the Salvadoran
government, we will answer this by an immediate $200 million gift
to the Salvadorian government.
NEW NATIONAL HOLIDAYS
Special Campaign Edition of the
1987 Nihilism Calendar
July 4, 1987
Campaign kick-off Picnic
1804 Industrial St.
Vacant lot in downtown LA
October 1, 1987
Campaign Tour--Airport Rally
Linburg Field, San Diego
October 8, 1987
Campaign Tour-Airport Rally
San Francisco International Airport
August 12, 1988
National Nihilist Party Nominating Convention
Santa Monica, CA
Vote Nihilism '88
See Nihilists' Corner episode #47
I4A The Miami Herald / Friday, August 28,1987
LOS ANGELES-(AP)-Nihilist Party chief Elisha Shapiro is pushing hard to make the T-bird the national bird, Los Angeles the capital. and get National League baseball teams in Managua and Havana
But he's the first to admit that it all means nothing in the end.
Voters are unlikely to see the Nihilist Party listed on ballots in 1988 because of minor details like qualifying rules.
But that doesn't faze Shapiro, 33, a performance artist and remedial reading instructor who says his chief qualification in his write-in campaign for the Oval Office is a fun-loving attitude."
"The few people who have heard of my campaign all say I'm getting their vote," Shapiro said.
Shapiro said people are sick of politicians who always portray the other side as wrong. Nihilists, who don't believe in anything, would be an improvement, he said.
In addition to replacing the bald eagle with the Ford Thunderbird as the national bird, party initiatives include:
The Government Exchange Program: To aid in international understanding, the US government would trade places with another government for one month each year.
Nuclear Poker: Shapiro's administration would disarm 10 warheads and put them on an isolated island somewhere between the United States and the Soviet Union. "Then the bet will be to the Soviets," Shapiro said. "They can call or raise."
Capital Move: The nation's capital would be relocated to Los Angeles because Hollywood is already the cultural capital of the world.
Baseball Expansion: including baseball-loving Nicaragua and Cuba in the National League would knock the Soviets out of the competition for political influence in those countries, Shapiro said.
Shapiro said America needs a president "who's
not afraid of making reckless changes."
This Associated Press article was printed in several
newspapers, including the: LA Times, Orange County Register, LA
Daily News, S.M. Evening Outlook, Miami Herald. It appeared August
Detroit Free Press / Monday, November 7, 1988 15B
His favorite color is black. His favorite music is blues.
His favorite food is "anything strange and exotic." His favorite authors are Mark Twain and Franz Kafka. His favorite TV shows are "Nightline" and "Rocky & Bullwinkle."
And he wants to be our president.
No, no, no. Not Bush. And not Dukakis. Elisha Shapiro. Say who? Say Elisha Shapiro, California conceptual artist and the mostly write-in, mostly fun-loving presidential candidate of the National Nihilist Party.
"We're a little behind in the polls," Shapiro admitted. "But we're about to make our move."
Better hustle it up, Elisha. The election is tomorrow.
"I am an artist and this is an art thing, but it is also a political thing," Shapiro said during a phone conversation from his Los Angeles campaign headquarters. "I am running for president. A lot of people out there are disgruntled."
Considering that Bush, Dukakis and the Republicans and Democrats have given us a thoroughly ugly, mean-spirited campaign as the oafs for 1988, the Nihilist alternative might look pretty good to some people.
You should know, however, that Shapiro was not born in a log cabin.
He was born in Buffalo, N.Y., 35 years ago and moved with his family to southern California at age three. He graduated from the University of California at Berkeley in 1974, where he fondly remembers participating in the university's final anti-Vietnam war demonstration.
When he's not creating performance art pieces like running for president or staging the Nihilist Olympics in Los Angeles in 1984 or planning a Nihilist World's Fair for 1990, Shapiro teaches creative writing at a Los Angeles-area community college.
He attributes the eight-year reign of fellow Californian Ronald Reagan to a "chemical imbalance" among the electorate.
He feels there is a New Wave Silent Majority out there-intelligent but alienated voters who want something different. "My constituency is all those people who look at the campaign, at Bush and Dukakis and say, 'You've got to be kidding. You must think I'm an idiot.' "
Besides lampooning the electoral process, what does Shapiro want to do for America?
Well, let's see. He wants to switch the nation's capital to Los Angeles and change the national bird to the Thunderbird and encourage baseball's National League to approve expansion franchises for Havana and Managua.
And that's not all. Shapiro administration appointments would include gonzo journalist Hunter Thompson as press secretary, radical Angela Davis as head of the FBI, Ted Koppel as ambassador to the USSR, Talking Heads musician David Byrne as head of the joint chiefs of staff and comedian Bobcat Goldthwait as secretary of state.
Shapiro is a major Dodgers fan, so there would also be a spot in his administration for noted diplomat Kirk Gibson. "I think he should be ambassador to some country we're having trouble with," Shapiro said.
What about the First Lady?
"I have a secret girlfriend who doesn't want any publicity, so she has suggested I appoint an official stand-in as First Lady," Shapiro said. "I figure Little Richard. He'd be such a great hostess."
Shapiro is on the ballot in only one place, Guam. Anyone who declares his or her candidacy gets on the ballot in Guam. So Shapiro says right-on to write-ins everywhere else.
The Nihilist Party slogan for Election '88 is "Vote Nihilism: It's Midnight in America. Get Down . . . and stay down."
But Shapiro, cordial and good-humored, describes himself as Mr. Friendly Nihilist. "People think if you don't believe in anything, you're miserable," he said. "Not me."
What, him worry?
Naw. Not with bozos on the presidential bus named Bush and Dukakis.
"I'm saying, open up your mind a little bit
and maybe we can find new solutions," Shapiro said. "Also,
I'm a lot more fun than those guys."
6/12/87, 7/1/87, 8/12/88, 10/23/88
carried in the following papers
8/28/87 LA DAILY NEWS
8/28/87 ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER
8/28/87 LA TIMES bulldog edition sun
8/28/87 MIAMI HERALD
8/27/87 PAUL HARVEY SYNDICATED RADIO (LA KABC)
TODAY NBC 8:00 A.M.
PUBLIC INTEREST RADIO WIRE SERVICE
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2UE RADIO SYDNEY AUSTRALIA, Mark Day
AUSTRALIAN FINANCIAL REVIEW
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